MAKING PEACE WITH YOURSELF
UNDERSTANDING THE MENTAL PROCESS
Let’s start from the following principle: YOU ARE NOT GOLF! Meaning, the bad shots you happen to hit DO NOT reflect WHO YOU ARE. In other words, most golfers diminish, criticize and punish themselves vigorously over a bad shot. They feel ashamed, frustrated and extremely nervous about their mistake. It’s a war, an eruption of the mind catching fire without hope of being safe and as the mistakes keep following and getting bigger and more and more ridiculous it seems that there’s no light in the end of the tunnel. A beautiful day with the potential to a great one turns out to be a cloudy, demanding horrible storm that never ends throughout those long, very long 18 holes.
Does it sound familiar? Have you ever been in that situation before? Do you still have to face such burden once a while or all the time?
Well, if you answered yes, yes and yes to these questions, CONGRATULATIONS! We’ve just found out you are HUMAN and not a naïve advanced robot who still didn’t find out about his own truthful origins! If you ask me, this is already a bonus !
But, let’s get real; do you really think that all golfers in the world don’t face the same problems with anger, frustration and disappointment? Well, if you know that everyone else has to go through the same process in their quest for the best of them, doesn’t it sound childish to think that you would be an exception? That’s right, my friend and fellow strangler of self, you are NOT an exception. First and foremost, it’s important that you understand this type of emotional holocaust that we have to face time to time and it’s good that you know that, because now, you can start working on changing it. As any basic principle of psychology will back me up, the first step to resolve a problem is to understand and realise that you have a problem.
BE YOUR BEST FRIEND
There are several types of mental dysfunctional approaches performed by golfers that we witness on the golf course every day, some more than others and I classified some of them, such as: the shouter - who screams his guts out when he hits a bad shot, the clown - who always laugh about his mistakes, the kamikaze - who hits himself with the clubs, the stupid Einstein - who blames the direction of the wind, pressure of the air, variations of temperature and the angle of the club head as the ball gets expanded and out of place because of a very warm day, etc… There are all kinds of players out there and if you take your time to notice, it’s quite entertaining! The most interesting thing though is that all of them have one thing in common: EXCUSES.
If one thinks about it, one realises that there is actually no reason for them. The big secret of a more enjoyable game starts with the following attitude: ACCEPTANCE!
Don’t fight it, accept it. Accept the fact that somehow, something went wrong, it may even not be in your mechanics, it could be the design of the golf course itself pushing the player to make that particular mistake but whatever caused it, doesn’t matter. The shot is done and over with, it will not change. One of the worst mistakes that the player can do is fighting himself over what he considers to be his “stupid” mistake. A mistake is not “stupid”, “smart” or even “benevolent”, it’s just a mistake. Now, because you’ve just declared an inner war, you no longer have a partner in yourself, you have a stranger trying to still your thunder, a stronger competitor than any other, who is trying to mess up every single shot you will try and the worst of all: this created figure of the darkness knows you better than you know yourself! Therefore, you’ve just created a series of bad shots that didn’t even take place yet, but CERTAINLY will. Right at this point we notice that some things can be summarised in short to be better understood and followed:
a. Understand you have this problem
b. Accept whatever results your shots can bring
c. Never, ever treat yourself as a looser or call yourself names (such as idiot - the most common).
d. Find support from the one who knows you best, your inner self.
For instance, let’s imagine two situations on a round of golf and “try” to predict the outcome of the final result, from the tee block to the hole on a par 4 to evaluate the four principles I just mentioned:
Situation 1: Lack of principles
Conditions on the 1st shot - par 4, 400 yards, no wind, sunny day (25ºC), handicap 8.
1st shot: player steps on the tee, addresses the ball, swing as hard as he can, hits the crap out of it and causes a big slice to the rough 170 yards of the tee.
Reaction: player starts screaming in an infuriating rage,
“YOU STUPID, RETARDARD MONKEY… WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, YOU STUPID SHIT, HOW CAN YOU HIT A SHOT LIKE THAT?!”
Conditions on 2nd shot – second cut of the rough to the right of the fairway, 220 yards of the green
2nd shot: player chooses a fairway wood #3 and again smashes his muscles on the poor clueless blades of grass who never expected such punishment. Ball flies 50 yards into the up right side of the fairway.
Reaction: player hits the fairway wood into the ground, kicks up the grass and smashes the club into the golf bag, swearing his steps to the next shot.
Conditions on 3rd shot – ball sitting on the right side of the fairway 180 yards of the green and ball sitting in a good lie.
3rd shot: player chooses a long iron or a hybrid to attempt placing the ball on the green. He hits the top of the ball, again, creating a slice to the right 165 yards away, landing 15 yards off the green to the right.
Reaction: Although this was the best shot so far, it’s still not enough to calm down his nerves, since the ball didn’t land on the green and now the player is facing a probable 3 shots to finish the hole.
Conditions on 4th shot – ball sitting on the right side of the green, 15 yards from the hole in a good lie.
4th shot: player chooses a pitching wedge to approach the green, hits the top of the ball which hits the edge of the green to stop rolling 50 feet of the hole.
Reaction: Obviously, the player is no longer having fun and definitely not being a pleasant company to the other players who now start looking at each other and rolling their eyes feed up with his attitude.
Conditions for the 5th shot – down put with triple break starting 10 feet to the right then again to the left at approximately 20 feet and an accentuated one to the right at about 45 feet. The green is fast speeding up as the ball approaches the hole. Player reads the green, hits the ball to take the first break to the right and then to the left stopping 20 feet of the hole to the right.
Reaction: Again, the player screams at himself, “COME ON, YOU IDIOT!!! F***!”
Well, at this point it’s needles to say that none of the other golfers is enjoying the game anymore, even if they are having a good hole. This is important to understand, because if you have this problem, it’s most likely that you are not even aware that your attitude is affecting the games and the mood of everyone else. YOU are destroying the opportunity to have a very pleasant time with your buddies.
To complete our story, the player hits two more puts for a score of 3 over par.
Definitely, not a score you want to see in every hole and you may be thinking: “Well, certainly I wouldn’t have taken the same decisions he did and most likely the outcome would have been different for me!”. Maybe right, but I would like to emphasise that I tried to pick up an extreme situation just to make a point.
Now, let’s consider the application of those simple principles mentioned by reviewing the same situation:
Shot #1: Player steps to the ball, hits hard and loose the ball to the right into the rough 170 yards of the tee.
Application of principle a – be aware that loosing your nerves won’t change anything!
Application of principle b – the shot has been made, now he has to find solutions and not waste time with thoughts that are not going to be of any benefit to him or his game.
Reaction: Player picks up the tee and instead of loosing his temper he starts thinking on a good strategy to approach the green on the second shot.
Shot #2: Player takes a 9 iron and targets the centre of the fairway 100 yards away.
Development: player hits the ball out of the rough into the fairway 100 yards away to the centre of the fairway and 130 yards of the green.
Shot #3: Since now, things start going as planned, the player feel a little more confident and starts planning for the next shot.
Development: the ball is on the centre of the fairway, player chooses an 8 iron to approach the green, locks into his target, hits an easy swing and the ball lands 10 feet of the hole.
Application of principle c – since the player kept his cool, the application of principle c (never belittle yourself) is automatic.
Reaction: the player is happy with the outcome because, instinctively he knows that one mistake in golf can lead to a disaster if you don’t know how to apply damage control.
Shot #4 – putting on the green, 10 feet away from the hole.
Application of principle d – Definitely, the player is in synchrony with his inner self and getting the best results that this situation can allow.
Reaction: player feels confident and starts analysing his chances of making 1 put, not too aggressive so he has a chance of having a tap for bogey.
In this example, by applying simple truths to the problem encountered right after the tee shot, the player could save at least two unnecessary strokes on that particular hole and feel much better at the end. Now, he feels calm and is more confident about his game going to the next holes. The player starts enjoying his day at the course and his buddies start enjoying his company, as per now he is actually a good influence to their games.
We all know that in golf, when one makes a mistake by hitting a bad shot either from the tee block or not, this could cost you at least a stroke in the end. If the player is aware of this truth, then the application of principle 4 is maybe the most important in a long term to be held.
ACCEPT the results and move on!
If one thinks about it, one realises that there is actually no reason for them. The big secret of a more enjoyable game starts with the following attitude: ACCEPTANCE!
Don’t fight it, accept it. Accept the fact that somehow, something went wrong, it may even not be in your mechanics, it could be the design of the golf course itself pushing the player to make that particular mistake but whatever caused it, doesn’t matter. The shot is done and over with, it will not change. One of the worst mistakes that the player can do is fighting himself over what he considers to be his “stupid” mistake. A mistake is not “stupid”, “smart” or even “benevolent”, it’s just a mistake. Now, because you’ve just declared an inner war, you no longer have a partner in yourself, you have a stranger trying to still your thunder, a stronger competitor than any other, who is trying to mess up every single shot you will try and the worst of all: this created figure of the darkness knows you better than you know yourself! Therefore, you’ve just created a series of bad shots that didn’t even take place yet, but CERTAINLY will. Right at this point we notice that some things can be summarised in short to be better understood and followed:
a. Understand you have this problem
b. Accept whatever results your shots can bring
c. Never, ever treat yourself as a looser or call yourself names (such as idiot - the most common).
d. Find support from the one who knows you best, your inner self.
For instance, let’s imagine two situations on a round of golf and “try” to predict the outcome of the final result, from the tee block to the hole on a par 4 to evaluate the four principles I just mentioned:
Situation 1: Lack of principles
Conditions on the 1st shot - par 4, 400 yards, no wind, sunny day (25ºC), handicap 8.
1st shot: player steps on the tee, addresses the ball, swing as hard as he can, hits the crap out of it and causes a big slice to the rough 170 yards of the tee.
Reaction: player starts screaming in an infuriating rage,
“YOU STUPID, RETARDARD MONKEY… WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, YOU STUPID SHIT, HOW CAN YOU HIT A SHOT LIKE THAT?!”
Conditions on 2nd shot – second cut of the rough to the right of the fairway, 220 yards of the green
2nd shot: player chooses a fairway wood #3 and again smashes his muscles on the poor clueless blades of grass who never expected such punishment. Ball flies 50 yards into the up right side of the fairway.
Reaction: player hits the fairway wood into the ground, kicks up the grass and smashes the club into the golf bag, swearing his steps to the next shot.
Conditions on 3rd shot – ball sitting on the right side of the fairway 180 yards of the green and ball sitting in a good lie.
3rd shot: player chooses a long iron or a hybrid to attempt placing the ball on the green. He hits the top of the ball, again, creating a slice to the right 165 yards away, landing 15 yards off the green to the right.
Reaction: Although this was the best shot so far, it’s still not enough to calm down his nerves, since the ball didn’t land on the green and now the player is facing a probable 3 shots to finish the hole.
Conditions on 4th shot – ball sitting on the right side of the green, 15 yards from the hole in a good lie.
4th shot: player chooses a pitching wedge to approach the green, hits the top of the ball which hits the edge of the green to stop rolling 50 feet of the hole.
Reaction: Obviously, the player is no longer having fun and definitely not being a pleasant company to the other players who now start looking at each other and rolling their eyes feed up with his attitude.
Conditions for the 5th shot – down put with triple break starting 10 feet to the right then again to the left at approximately 20 feet and an accentuated one to the right at about 45 feet. The green is fast speeding up as the ball approaches the hole. Player reads the green, hits the ball to take the first break to the right and then to the left stopping 20 feet of the hole to the right.
Reaction: Again, the player screams at himself, “COME ON, YOU IDIOT!!! F***!”
Well, at this point it’s needles to say that none of the other golfers is enjoying the game anymore, even if they are having a good hole. This is important to understand, because if you have this problem, it’s most likely that you are not even aware that your attitude is affecting the games and the mood of everyone else. YOU are destroying the opportunity to have a very pleasant time with your buddies.
To complete our story, the player hits two more puts for a score of 3 over par.
Definitely, not a score you want to see in every hole and you may be thinking: “Well, certainly I wouldn’t have taken the same decisions he did and most likely the outcome would have been different for me!”. Maybe right, but I would like to emphasise that I tried to pick up an extreme situation just to make a point.
Now, let’s consider the application of those simple principles mentioned by reviewing the same situation:
Shot #1: Player steps to the ball, hits hard and loose the ball to the right into the rough 170 yards of the tee.
Application of principle a – be aware that loosing your nerves won’t change anything!
Application of principle b – the shot has been made, now he has to find solutions and not waste time with thoughts that are not going to be of any benefit to him or his game.
Reaction: Player picks up the tee and instead of loosing his temper he starts thinking on a good strategy to approach the green on the second shot.
Shot #2: Player takes a 9 iron and targets the centre of the fairway 100 yards away.
Development: player hits the ball out of the rough into the fairway 100 yards away to the centre of the fairway and 130 yards of the green.
Shot #3: Since now, things start going as planned, the player feel a little more confident and starts planning for the next shot.
Development: the ball is on the centre of the fairway, player chooses an 8 iron to approach the green, locks into his target, hits an easy swing and the ball lands 10 feet of the hole.
Application of principle c – since the player kept his cool, the application of principle c (never belittle yourself) is automatic.
Reaction: the player is happy with the outcome because, instinctively he knows that one mistake in golf can lead to a disaster if you don’t know how to apply damage control.
Shot #4 – putting on the green, 10 feet away from the hole.
Application of principle d – Definitely, the player is in synchrony with his inner self and getting the best results that this situation can allow.
Reaction: player feels confident and starts analysing his chances of making 1 put, not too aggressive so he has a chance of having a tap for bogey.
In this example, by applying simple truths to the problem encountered right after the tee shot, the player could save at least two unnecessary strokes on that particular hole and feel much better at the end. Now, he feels calm and is more confident about his game going to the next holes. The player starts enjoying his day at the course and his buddies start enjoying his company, as per now he is actually a good influence to their games.
We all know that in golf, when one makes a mistake by hitting a bad shot either from the tee block or not, this could cost you at least a stroke in the end. If the player is aware of this truth, then the application of principle 4 is maybe the most important in a long term to be held.
ACCEPT the results and move on!